As 2017 ends I look back at all the heartbreak of the year, the loss of loved ones, the struggles financially, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. I think to myself that I NEVER want to go through another year like this one again and that 2018 needs to be a year of MAJOR change in my life and especially in me. I also look back and remind myself of the good as well. The beautiful laughs of my gorgeous and loving grandsons, the start of a beautiful and wonderful new adventure in my schooling and my walk with the Lord, but most of all the humbling that I have learned.
The last week or month has been one of major humbling in my soul. You see I have REALLY messed myself up on some stuff. I have not been a good steward of the things that God has blessed me with. My finances have been topsy turvy more than normal because I don’t know how to tell some people (including myself) NO on things they want. I have allowed my car to run into the ground so bad that it is literally NOT moving at the moment (although I love the bus rides and may leave it sitting most times even after it’s fixed). And I have allowed my space and peace to be taken and not found a way to get it back. Because of all of this I have felt like my life is spinning out of control and it is because I haven’t given it to God. I am going to school to be a better person for Him and yet I haven’t completely given myself to Him.
He hasn’t left me, though, and this has humbled me. I am literally 7 days from finally being financially back on track. A week and a half from being on the track of emotional and mental control again but most of all He has sent angels where I least expect them to be. My future son-in-law, whom I have been horrible to and not extended my own grace to, has stepped up and is fixing my car for me with no questions asked. An angel bought my baby boys presents so that they would have something under the tree from their Babcha and another angel is helping with a bill so that I don’t get any worse. My pride has been lowered and I am crying with joy and humbleness at the drop of a hat.
Not only is He is humbling me but He is reminding me of the word HOPE. I know that my issues above to some may seem stupid or for others they are laughing because it all is small compared to their problems. We all have issues and problems, some big and some small, depending on how you look at them. Which leads me to ask:
Ever wonder what life would be like if we didn’t have God? I see dry, desolate land, and birds eating on things unspeakable. When I read chapters in the bible like Isaiah 34 or Revelations 18:1-3 I can see what this world would be if we were left to our own devices completely. Not just the financial issues or the other “trivial” issues we have. No this is a world that is just black and left with no Hope at all.
I know some say, and it actually came to my mind, to look at the other side of the world and I will see these things and they are right. BUT that still isn’t life without God. We still have hope! Even those that are literally living in hell on the streets or in shacks drinking dirty contaminated water still have hope. Even if they don’t feel it they still have it.
You see in my mind God isn’t just our creator. Jesus isn’t just our savior. They are our HOPE. Life can be dark and dingy and we may not be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel but as long as the Lords people are moving there is hope for a better future. We have so many organizations out there that can and do help with the contaminated water or the starving children. We are fighting for God’s children. Unfortunately, yes, it isn’t everyone all at once and it seems slow or an impossible task but it is still giving people hope. And without God this all wouldn’t be happening and therefore there wouldn’t be that hope. We wouldn’t have those angels like my son-in-law and daughter or my friends. We wouldn’t have those angels like Compassion International, Feed the Children, the Mission here in Bakersfield, or even the many many homeless shelters across the US. Without God we would be nothing.
So for 2018 I plan to keep myself on track and always remember the humbling that has happened. I will be learning to hear Gods voice and follow His leading. I will find ways to become HOPE to others in this world and show them that God is here for ALL of us in one way or another. God is HOPE and He is here with us. What will you do to spread that hope to others?